I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
