Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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