Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
