I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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