Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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