i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I want a musical about memes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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