Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
