my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
