Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize