the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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