you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
