I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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