I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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