If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
