that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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