I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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