i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
