hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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