I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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