Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
