I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
