I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
