There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
