I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize