We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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