I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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