Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
