I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
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