I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
