I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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