Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
