Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize