Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
