You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
