The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
