I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
