Will you blow on my dice?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
