i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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