i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
