i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
