i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
