LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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