I'm sorry my penis didn't work
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
