I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
