I'm going to rape someone's good day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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