I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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