Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
