I love having hate sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
