my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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