Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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