Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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