Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
