He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
