Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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