There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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