tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
