For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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