I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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