Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
