Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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