so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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