Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
