call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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