He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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