i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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