It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize