That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
