If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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