dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
