It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
