My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Quick, to the slutcave!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
