I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
