A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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