Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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