you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
