eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
