If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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