dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize