the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
