When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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