I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
