he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
