YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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