I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the gays at disneyland are vicious
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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