drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
