i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
