you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
