All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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