Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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