i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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