Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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