found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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