Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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