Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
