So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
