her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
