i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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