Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
