Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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