i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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