WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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